He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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