Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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