Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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