dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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