you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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