Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
