Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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