oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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