im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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