I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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