Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we should paint friendship bongs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
