the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
