Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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