I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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