I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
