No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
