His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
