my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
