Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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