The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
