I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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