Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
