Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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