we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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