her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Come see our sink grown plant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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