We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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