This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
