I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
