I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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