i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
