omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am naked and annoyed.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Congratulations! We have a period
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
