Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
