my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
