I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
