You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
