how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
