Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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