It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
