He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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