the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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