i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your penis caused this!
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