So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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