I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
