The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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