I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
