I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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