maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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