So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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