i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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