Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
