"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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