Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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