So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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