Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize