I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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