Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
