made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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