Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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