it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Even my vagina gasped.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
