i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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