And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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