I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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