gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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