I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
