Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
