So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
