Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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