I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
