I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
