i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
