i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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