im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
