I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
