Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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