dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
